Movie Talk: Top Ten Least Favorite Films of 2023

​Hello, and welcome to another episode of moviemanMDG's "Movie Talk", where I talk about everything film-related. 2023 had plenty of moments we'd like to forget about, especially the stuff happening outside of Hollywood. By that, I mean things relating to politics, religion, and accusations that'll get you kicked out of the film business faster than you can say, "humbug." Of course, there are other moments that are as bad as that, including watching ten of the most disappointing films of the year. I capped off 2023 with the best films I've seen, so now it's time to bring out the worst. These are the ten blandest, heavily flawed, and overall forgettable movies I've watched that made me regret not watching something better. While I appreciate some of the little things from those selections, they're not enough to overshadow the stinky stinks that plagued them due to their directors' visions or studio interferences. Like my top ten favorite films list, this one is from my personal opinion, so if there's a movie on my list that you enjoyed more than I did, that's great. We all have different tastes in film, and I will always respect that. Without further ado, let's count down the biggest losers of 2023.

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#10

Retribution

​Coming in at the bottom of the list is yet another Liam Neeson thriller that you'd find in a $5 bin at a video store. In all fairness, though, I still respect Neeson as an actor who wants nothing more than to please his fans, regardless of a film's quality. It's just that the movies he recently starred in hadn't been living up to the potential of his talents execution-wise and felt more like extra paychecks for the action star. "Retribution" marked another example of this troubling trend. Described as a B-movie version of "Speed", this action thriller could've been a huge comeback for Liam Neeson but wound up being another disappointing and baffling dud that wasted the actor's talents. On the one hand, it proved to be more watchable than "Memory" and "Blacklight" due to Neeson's performance and Nimród Antal's directorial style. On the other hand, the film lacks the explosive tension needed to make these intentions worthwhile. From its cliched screenplay to the questionable third act, "Retribution" fails to give Neeson any justice in the film business.  

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#9

65

​When you have a movie involving Adam Driver fighting dinosaurs, you'd expect it to be an action-packed thrill ride with the potential of being one of the biggest surprises of 2023. Instead, it wound up being a cinematic fossil. "65" was the first time I was let down by the efforts of its directors, Scott Beck and Bryan Woods, who wrote the fantastic "Quiet Place". Adam Driver and Ariana Greenblatt tried their best to carry the film with their performances, and the visuals were serviceable. However, its mediocre screenplay, subpar characters, and mundane thrills sabotaged a promising concept made for solid popcorn entertainment. It's a disappointing sci-fi thriller that should've gone extinct.

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#8

Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken

​I rarely placed a DreamWorks Animation film in my top ten worst list until now. "Spirit Untamed" came pretty close, as it only took a spot in my "dishonorable mentions" list in 2021. This year, we have one that actually made its way to the losers' circle, and boy, was it a big one? "Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken" went back to the basics of poking fun at Disney and its classic fairy tale elements, similar to "Shrek". However, unlike that animation treasure, this undersea coming-of-age fantasy comedy lacks the cleverness and boldness to swim past the sea of mediocrity. The voice cast was suitable for voicing its generic characters, and the animation was colorful and zany in its designs and locations. Besides that, it's the studio's weakest film in its animation library due to its heavily simplistic plot, dull scenarios, and a predictable villain twist we've seen multiple times in the marketing. If you like this film, then allow me to apologize for its inclusion on this list. I just didn't care for it as much as anyone else who does, but I'm also glad it was able to find its fans amid its ocean of box office competition.

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#7

Peter Pan & Wendy

​In all my years of watching (and enjoying) Disney's live-action remakes, I had never seen one that's so lifeless and uninspiring, more so than the live-action "Lion King". Even worse, it's a remake of one of my favorite animated films from Disney, "Peter Pan". "Peter Pan & Wendy" was a Disney+ blunder that stripped away the charm, fun, and fantastical nuance of the 1953 film and the source material. Despite David Lowery's intentions of combining its concept with grounded realism and themes of friendship, the film was a dull and disappointing experience that made me want to grow up faster. Jude Law as Captain Hook was the only bright spot regarding its cast, but other than that, it lacked the faith, trust, and pixie dust Disney needed to win back its non-believers.

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#6

The Exorcist: Believer

​David Gordon Green showed plenty of promise in the horror department after delivering a riveting, back-to-basics follow-up to the 1978 classic, "Halloween", in 2018. While its sequels took a highly divisive direction that's unique yet alienating, 2018's "Halloween" proved to be a solid stepping stone for the filmmaker known for his comedies and heartwarming dramas. So, we had a reason to believe that Green's take on the "Exorcist" franchise would deliver something similar. That is until we saw the final product. "The Exorcist: Believer" took the franchise back to its original roots while adding a character-driven representation of faith amid uncertainty and despair. The result is a slow, derivative, and uninteresting revival of the iconic horror franchise that has haunted its fans for generations. While admirable in its presentation, cinematography, and themes, it fails to compel the sins of its weak cast, formulaic story, dull scares, mediocre screenplay, and uneven pacing. Let's hope God can help Green improve himself during his attempt at a planned "Exorcist" trilogy.

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#5

Fear

​Let's face it. Everyone has a phobia of watching an awful movie, including me. So, it made sense that I placed this latest January horror movie in my top five to remind us what reliving that fear is like. "Fear" saw director Deon Taylor return to the horror genre for the first time since 2010 and attempt to provide a supernatural take on phobias and its timely commentary involving COVID. Based on my experience with his other works, the result is what I expected: an interesting concept plagued by awful execution. The cast did okay with their performances, and the lighting effects helped deliver a nightmarish atmosphere. Unfortunately, they're not enough to keep itself from being infected by its low-quality appearance. From Taylor's bland direction and screenplay to its boring characters and predictable twist, this mediocre addition to the supernatural genre should be avoided like it was the coronavirus.

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#4

Ghosted

​I only watched and reviewed two movies on Apple TV+ this year: "Tetris" and "Ghosted". While "Tetris" was a solid depiction of the simplistic yet highly addicting video game, this action-romance-comedy was an unfortunate and irritating waste of people's time and talents. "Ghosted" boasts two attractive leads in the form of Chris Evans and Ana de Armas, but the characters they played are anything but. What seemed to be a simple and fun spy adventure turned out to be an uneven, dull, and derivative blend of tropes that's done better in other movies with similar concepts. The plot was formulaic, the jokes didn't land, and the main characters were so infuriating it'd make the viewers wish the bad guys would put a bullet in their heads already. Unfortunately, that's not possible because the villain's henchmen can't aim to save their lives. In short, it deserves to be ghosted.

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#3

Freelance

​2023 saw me giving three movies the lowest grade I could imagine, showing that I can also be edgy with my critiques. One of those movies that deserved this grade was an action-comedy that lacked the strength of both genres. "Freelance" was the latest film by Pierre Morel that saw the filmmaker struggle to capture the success of his earlier projects like "Taken" and "District 13". It had the makings of a direct-to-streaming movie, and it shows with its derivatively bland plot and uncharismatic characters. Not even the presence of John Cena was enough to bypass its less-than-stellar quality, as he's put on autopilot throughout the movie. Despite Juan Pablo Raba's efforts in carrying the film and the framework for its action scenes, "Freelance" fails to protect these talented people from its one-sided tone, lackluster script, and uninteresting characters. It should've stayed in retirement with Cena's protagonist.

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#2

House Party (2023)

​There have been reboots of iconic films that wound up being tolerable, and there have been ones that we love to throw in the trash bin. Then, there's the 2023 reboot of "House Party," a shameful party killer that belongs in the cinema furnace. The film, which featured the directorial debut of music video director Calmatic, was a tedious and poorly handled attempt at reintroducing Reginald Hudlin's 1990 comedy classic to a new generation. Not even the appearance of the original's leading stars, Kid n Play, is enough to save this disastrous party from its uninspired cast, uncharismatic characters, and dull screenplay. I know that Calmatic also directed the "White Men Can't Jump" remake this year, but I skipped out on it because one lousy remake from him was enough for me to handle. If you want a real party, watch the 1990 movie.

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Dishonorable Mentions

​An atmospheric but disappointing conclusion to the Lambert arc despite its intentions to deliver a sentimental closure for the characters.

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​Jason Statham's presence and passable visuals weren't enough to save this pile of rotten chum from being the giant prehistoric shark's lunch. It's an unfulfilling sequel that lacks the cheesy charm and thrills of its surprisingly decent predecessor.

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​A lackluster imitation of other action films that wasted the action-packed talents of Jackie Chan and John Cena.

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​A surprisingly restrained and subpar comedy that only benefitted from the father-son duo Sebastian Maniscalco and Robert De Niro.

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​Despite the best efforts from Jason Momoa and filmmaker James Wan, this is a messy, underwhelming, and inconsequential conclusion to the problematic DC Extended Universe.

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#1

Knights of the Zodiac

I originally planned on naming "House Party" the biggest cinematic loser of 2023, but that all changed when I decided to watch this pathetic excuse of a manga adaptation. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the king of 2023's cinematic misfires: "Knights of the Zodiac." I had been on and off about whether to see this one, mainly because I wasn't familiar with Saint Seiya. But I eventually caved in and gave it a shot, and I regretted it ever since. "Knights of the Zodiac" was one of the movies that left me feeling empty inside, more so than the other terrible films I've watched this year. As someone who hasn't read the source material, I can tell that many of the franchise's fans may not find something special in this lackluster and heavily generic fantasy adaptation. The fight scenes were periodically tolerable but lacked the oomph and intensity to make them memorable. Combine that with its dull cast (particularly Mackenyu), cliched script, soulless direction, and shoddy visuals, and you get another shameless live-action adaptation of a popular anime. If you thought "Dragon Ball Evolution" and "The Last Airbender" were embarrassments to their anime counterparts, then you haven't seen my pick of the biggest cinematic poop of 2023.  ​

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​There you have it, folks. Those are my picks for the biggest stinkers of 2023. While some may appeal to a specific audience, they don't do much to impress me as much as everyone else. But, of course, the best thing for me to do is leave them behind and look forward to the cool stuff coming out in 2024. Hopefully, we can find more diamonds in the Hollywood rough than the ones filled with junk during that year. With that said, I hope you have an excellent start to the new year, and I'll see you in my next movie review.