The Machine (2023)

​“The Machine” stars Bert Kreischer, Mark Hamill, Jessica Gabor, Jimmy Tatro, Iva Babić, and Stephanie Kurtzuba. Released on May 26, 2023, the film has a comedian and his father escaping from those he wronged in Russia.

The film was directed by Peter Atencio, who also directed “Key & Peele” and the films “The Rig” and “Keanu”. It is based on the 2016 stand-up routine by Bert Kreischer. We’ve heard many crazy yet hilarious stories that are impossible to believe, especially ones from stand-up comedians. This one, in particular, must be seen to believe. The Memorial Day weekend brings us two comedies recapturing the real-life experiences of specific stand-up comedians and their fathers for movie-going audiences. One is a feel-good Meet-the-Parents-like comedy, while the other is a violent and absurd trip to Russia featuring Luke Skywalker as the comedian’s father. The one I’ll be looking at today is the latter, featuring a comedian that I don’t remember as much as others. Heck, I didn’t even know about Bert Kreischer until this movie appeared right in front of me. I guess that’s what happened when he starred in nothing but reality shows, comedy specials, and drama series I neglected to watch throughout his career. So does his first debut on the big screen prove to be as ridiculous as his stand-up routine? Let’s find out.

The story follows the actual (?) events that inspired Bert Kreischer’s stand-up routine. It depicts the fictionalized version of Bert, who spent his college semester in Russia and wronged several dangerous people. Twenty years later, Bert, now a successful comedian thanks to his “legend”, discovers that his past mistakes are not through with him yet. One of the people Bert wronged, Irina (Babić), arises to capture him and his father, Albert Kreischer Sr. (Hamill), and force them to find her family heirloom he stole years ago. To save himself and his father, Bert attempts to overcome his past and show Russia why he earned the nickname “The Machine”.

As mentioned earlier, I was unfamiliar with Bert Kreischer until this movie. I hadn’t seen any of his previous works beforehand and overlooked his recent stand-ups on Netflix. That was one of the reasons I was concerned about this film going in, as I was in the dark about his comedic standards. I only went to see the movie because Mark Hamill was involved in something outside of “Star Wars” and voice acting. Obviously, I love Hamill, especially regarding his memorable voice work. However, I also viewed it as an opportunity to introduce myself to the comedian, who’s possibly attempting to kickstart the next step in his career: displaying his humor on the big screen. What better way to start that step than with his experience robbing a train in Russia during his college trip?

“The Machine” definitely had potential based on the marketing. It’s not just because of the people involved but also the concept. Kreischer’s origin story about his nickname seemed too outlandish to believe, but it was actually true. Trust me. I looked it up myself. With Hollywood developing Kreischer’s routine into a film, it had the opportunity to provide enough ridiculousness to enhance the lunacy of the comedian’s experience in Russia and deliver a fun and wild party for adult audiences. Unfortunately, while the ridiculousness is present, “The Machine” struggles to maintain it long enough to make this party one to remember, mainly in the first half.

The film’s first half has moments of amusement, especially when it involves Bert and his father. It also offered a somewhat engaging depiction of Bert attempting to win back his family due to an incident. However, the humor was the only thing dragging it down with its forced adult jokes, stereotypical Russian antagonists, and forgettable narrative. Thankfully, the second half was a bit more entertaining regarding its comedy, which is enough to keep it from being on Russia’s hit list. Peter Atencio was involved in making Key and Peele hilariously entertaining comedians through their sketch comedy series and the film “Keanu”, which I thought was ridiculously humorous but average at best. So I figured Atencio would provide a similar experience with “The Machine”. While that’s the case in some scenarios, Atencio couldn’t find the perfect balance between absurdity and adult comedy to impress those outside the comedian’s target audience, including me. However, I would credit the director for providing a couple of passable action scenes.

My first experience seeing Bert Kreischer in action was certainly a mixed bag. His portrayal of himself was admittedly enjoyable enough to satisfy his audience and maybe even some newcomers. However, he also had moments when his over-the-top screaming was more annoying than hilarious. There were also times when he almost sounded like John Cena, which is something that’ll haunt my brain for the rest of my life. Kreischer isn’t something I would call the best thing about the movie, but he delivers enough tolerable moments for me to give him another shot in the future. Instead, that crown belongs to Mark Hamill, who brought plenty of amusement and fun into his role of Bert’s father, joining Robert De Niro in the “Dads Overshadowing Their Comedian Sons” Club. I also surprisingly enjoyed Iva Babić as Irina during a couple of scenes, including her “Family Matters” reference.

Overall, “The Machine” has Bret Kreischer reliving his famous stand-up routine on the big screen. Unfortunately, the cinematic take on the comedian’s college trip to Russia lacked most of the absurdity to live up to his unbelievably true story. It had a few amusing moments regarding its cast that made this trip watchable for me. However, regarding its subpar direction, hit-and-miss humor, and weak first half, the film shows that some legends are better off untold. Seeing how Bret got his nickname was interesting, but that’s about it. It’s another flawed movie I wouldn’t mind watching again if I had nothing else to watch, but I would likely forget about it the next day. It wasn’t awful, as it’s worth watching once for fans of the comedian, but there are other action comedies that I think were more entertaining and ridiculous than going to Russia.

C-